I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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