New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
