theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
