so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
