I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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