What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
