I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
