How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
