i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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