she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
