My sheets look like a crime scene.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I wish they made helmets for livers.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
