Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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