The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Found the puke drawer
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
