I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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