there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
