Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
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