So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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