I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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