You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
