You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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