i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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