a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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