just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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