If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i think im in europe. pls send help
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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