I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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