the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
