You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
