Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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