My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i need some magic done to my vagina
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
