Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
