DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
