I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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