Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
