Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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