I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
