you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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