so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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