i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
And my parents said I crawled through the house
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
