I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
