Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Come see our sink grown plant.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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