I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
