I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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