you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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