I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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