you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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