Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
