**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
