I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
