He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
