Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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