how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
