C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
