I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
