She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
