I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
