Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
