I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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