what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
