ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize