when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
