my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
