I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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