Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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