kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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