wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
