last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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