It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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