Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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