We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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