Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
