so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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