Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
