so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
